Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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