I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
