Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
