My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
