Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
