Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
