I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
