I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
