I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
