I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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