What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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