My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
