Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
