She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
