My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Randomize
