You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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