sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
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