I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
smell my finger.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
