I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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