Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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