i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
