can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you had me at cake vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
