She said her name was "party"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
