Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
