He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
