It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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