That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
