I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
