he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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