A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
