Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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