I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
