We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
