she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
