I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
