Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
