i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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