You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
