I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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