My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
