You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
