She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
