He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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