I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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