your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
