I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
