It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
