I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
