There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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