when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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